Forgive me, dear readers. I started this blog with the desire to reflect and write about the message behind the painful experiences and dreadful events that life sometimes throws at us. As mentioned somewhere in this blog, I wanted to see my rosebushes perhaps full of thorns but still with one fully blooming rose. Recent events however have left me wanting. I know I will get over this tomorrow. But just for today, this is me.
I’m sad.
Many things make me sad but these are often due to things that also make other people sad – sickness in the family, disagreements with loved ones, breaking up with someone, friends that go away...
But I find myself sad today for an entirely different reason. Years ago, similar incidents would have left me upset, frustrated, disappointed, even mad. Then, my students would brace themselves for the 10 minutes of class time I’d use to speak my mind, ask their thoughts on the subject, and find a way to make things better.
Today, I know that getting upset or frustrated wouldn’t get me anywhere. To be disappointed would be a waste of both my time and my emotions. I even seem to have no energy left to get mad. Strangely, I just feel a tremendous sense of sadness. It’s a frightening kind of sadness as it leaves me feeling weak, numb and paralyzed.
Wouldn’t you be in the face of such dreadful events?
- The unfortunate case of a child bullied and killed by a classmate no older than herself
- The murder of a university student in the guise of fraternity and brotherhood
- The mayhem left in a movie theater when acting the Joker’s role becomes real and true
- The humiliation and assault of a public servant in the hands of a corporate executive
- The proud denial and arrogant justification for an evident error committed by a public official
- The misplaced defence of one public official for another for friendship’s sake regardless of the truth
I remember an incident in the classroom years ago when after a discussion on the current events happening in the country and the world, a student asked me if I still had hope in the future. The question took me off guard as I realized that expressing my opinions too strongly in class might have somehow revealed my feelings of desperation for the fate of my country. I knew I had to backtrack a bit, lest I become the source of hopelessness for these young minds. Quickly, I managed to salvage what little hope was left in their hearts by saying that “knowing there are still young people like you who know what is right and wrong, give me hope”.
Then, I thought young people could differentiate right from wrong because I believed we had leaders who could show them the right path through their exemplary behavior and honorable way of living. Then, I believed we had public officials who had the moral ascendancy to know, differentiate and choose right over wrong, truth over falsehood.
But today is different.
What leaves me numb today is the knowledge that the day could not be saved anymore by an empty platitude such as what I then told my students.
What leaves me numb today is the knowledge that the day could not be saved anymore by an empty platitude such as what I then told my students.
What leaves me paralyzed today is the thought that the young have already been molded with the same egotistical hearts of our present leaders as shown by their own arrogant actions and callous behavior.
What gives me a tremendous sense of sadness today is the moral decay that our young are growing up in and believe to be right and true.
What leaves me weak today is the realization that telling the truth and living in the truth has never been as revolutionary as it is today.
And I wondered. Can I be that revolutionary?
What leaves me weak today is the realization that telling the truth and living in the truth has never been as revolutionary as it is today.
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| Photo from www.utne.com |
And I wondered. Can I be that revolutionary?
Yes, all these make me sad today.
